how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
