Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
