My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize