She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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