i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
