Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
