The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?