Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
did i walk over a car last night?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.