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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin

  (914): View more from New York

  and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston

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• (845): View more from New York

  i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.

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• (714): View more from California

  you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night

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• (339): View more from Massachusetts

  i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall

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  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

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• (813): View more from Florida

  She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.

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• (316): View more from Kansas

  Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.

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  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.

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