and i looked up. we had an audience...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
