i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?