I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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