Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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