do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.