and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
