I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
