Your face is a jimmy john
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
