He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
