i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
