i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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