Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
