is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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