They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Come on in and take your pants off
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