areolas are like halos for boobs.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
