allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
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He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
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Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
BRING THE BAGELS
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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