Princesses don't give blow jobs
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
