brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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