Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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