oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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