She went from zero to smokin in five shots
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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