i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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