I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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