i was born a porn star she said
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's never too late to be topless.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
