We named our party play list daddy issues
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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