sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
