I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
