You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
