oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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