hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
