dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
