I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
