Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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