She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
