The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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