Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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