If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
