he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
