At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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