My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
