so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We talked him into tasing himself.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
