I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
