Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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