oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
