Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
