The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
