when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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