Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
