why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We're too hungover to prance.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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