I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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