i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
