Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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