Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
