Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
