Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize