Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
