Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
