i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
