im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
