her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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