There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
