kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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