she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
