Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Non-Jews are for practice
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
